But, but I just have to pee!

So he comes in all Incensed...I know it is going to be a good story because he launched into it before he even started his computer!

BPOI went to his step-son's graduation last night. He started the story with stating that it was raining, (I was in the same area, there was some slight drizzling on and off) and they should have held it inside. I agree with his statement there. He says that after sitting for Two Hours of speeches, performances, valedictorians and all the usual pomp and circumstance, they cancelled the rest of the event without giving out the diplomas. Cancelled..."CANCELLED...Because it starts Thundering and Lightning" He shouted...Without rescheduling...He goes on, " I don't know when my son will get his diploma...He almost didn't get it anyway..." Doofus, I would Assume they would MAIL it...I would think they have your address...He almost makes it sound as if it isn't real until you hold the piece of paper in your hand.

Now to the really interesting and funny part of the whole story. Just before they cancelled the whole thing, our hero BPOI gets up to go to the bathroom. He walks up the bleachers towards the top and is stopped by a rent-a-cop from the school. He tells me he knows him from the housing projects he lives in. (yes, he does live in "Da Projeks") So, the rent-a-cop tells him to go around from the bottom. BPOI tells him that he has already walked 3/4 of the way to the top, and the bathrooms are too far if he goes back around the bottom of the bleachers. His reasoning, a back injury prevents him from going back down. My reasoning, why did he walk all the way up, FROM THE HANDICAPPED SECTION instead of staying on the level path? The rent-a-cop then grabbed BPOI by the arm, attempting to turn him back down the bleachers, and all hell broke loose, according to our Hero. He started in on him about how he can't touch him, Don't you Grab Me...BPOI then relayed how the Police came over and asked if there was trouble, and asked what was going on. He let them know that he was thinking of filing assault CHARGES and might SUE him for grabbing his arm. And, of course, thank goodness there was a railing there for him to grab, because if he hadn't he would have fallen and re-injured his back.

Quite a Harrowing adventure for our intrepid Hero. His wife heard the commotion and luckily for everyone defused the situation, they were announcing the cancellation at this point, so they left. No Word, by the way, when and if He ever made it to the Bathroom.

Introducing: Bitter Pissed Off Idiot

Better known as BPOI, he is known for always going into a tirade for the the most inane events. On an almost daily basis you can expect to be thrilled or nauseated by what he considers to be an incredibly enriching story he JUST MUST SHARE by screaming it at you. What do these stories contain? Usually they are a variation on the same theme, mostly how the world and it's minions are conspiring against him to keep him down, and under their thumb. Everything is a conspiracy with him, and everyone is out to get him.

Watch out, he is litigious too! A natural Defense Mechanism of our current subject is to lash out with cadre of prosecutors at the slightest provocation. Some of us believe that hard work, and loyalty to an employer will get us ahead in life. BPOI believes that he is always one lawsuit away from his Big Break.

Type of Stupid Friend - Spinster Chronic Liar

From Time to Time we need to classify Our Stupid Friends. Today I submit the "Spinster/Chronic Liar" - also known as SCL - she is so named for several reasons:

1. Her lack of ability to get, and keep a man in her life.
2. Her Propensity for Lying, about even the most mundane and inconsequential details in her life.
3. Her Long Term Goal of living and mooching off her parents will lead to her eventual Spinsterhood and dying alone, in their home, surrounded by her 30-40 cats. All named for Celebrities, Models, and High School Friends that they remind her of.
4. She will call inconvenient times, on inconvenient numbers (cell numbers, while at work, on work numbers, while out of the office and leave voice mails...etc...etc)
5. She hates the fact that you are in a marriage, and will do everything to break it up.
6. She will dwell on events in her past as if she is still in those situations, like High School & College.

For these Reasons we have classified our first Stupid Friend (and Inspiration for this Site!) as Spinster/Chronic Liar!

My Stupid Friend Said....

When you take your car in for an inspection in New Jersey, they take your car out on the road, drive it really fast and slam on the brakes so they can test them.